Self-improvement is a fundamental truth of life. So are the struggles you face before achieving your goals. There is greatness within each of you, and often self-inflicted limitations keep you from grabbing the gold ring!
- Losing weight.
- Finding a new job.
- Getting a raise,
- Making time for yourself.
- Creating good habits.
- Enjoying your life.
Whatever your goal, you can achieve it. Yet there is more struggling going on than celebrating success. If this is true for you, don’t blame yourself. Any failure is directly linked to not having a system to get from here to there. The people who’ve found success have two things in common: an understanding of where they are and what’s holding them back, and a plan to execute and move them forward. Your results will come when you make a plan and systematically take control. However, before you can make changes you must understand what is controlling you now. Here’s the first step.
See What’s Blocking You
The key to success, meeting goals or maintaining sustainable fitness is to recognize that you have an internal battle to overcome first. There’s a part of you that may be sabotaging your plans. It’s not an issue of a personality disorder, but often is the reason you struggle with meeting your goals. It begins with the fundamental fact that we’re Human Beings. I’d like to rephrase that. We are Human AND Being.
Obvious? Well, if it was so obvious why doesn’t everyone have their lives all figured out? We shouldn’t have any financial strife, weight issues, battered relationships, or any other problems. The good news is that a together life doesn’t have to remain out of grasp if you understand how to get your Human and Being parts to work together.
The Human part of us is logical. It solves problems, makes dinner, runs errands. It’s deep-seated in the world. It gets things done. The Mind and Brain are the physical home of Human, they like patterns and habits, and insist on being in charge. We need our Human half — it accomplishes many tasks to maintain our lifestyle. Existence in the physical world is only possible with this practical side of ourselves.
The flip side of Human is that it’s entrenched in darkness, fear, anger, doubt, and anxiety. Human will create more work for itself. It does mental gymnastics to work through problems — even if those problems aren’t real. For example: If you’re paying bills, it might worry that the next time you won’t have enough money to pay the bills, which could lead to concern about losing your job because you’re sick. This domino thinking is nonsense, but each of us has experienced some form of this process. It’s commonly called WORRY. It can derail you from a fulfilling life. It happens to one extent or another when the brain and mind combine to resemble a wild 2 year-old running through a candy shop.
Our Being uses no time piece — it’s been called Free Spirit and exists in us all. Being comes from a place of inspiration and joy. The creative juices flow from the connection to Being. It is Spirit (Your Soul and your relationship with a higher power). It’s physical home is in the Heart. Being is all about trust, dreams, light, laughter, peace and faith. It’s stronger than Human, but must be asked to take control. The only flip side of Being is that we don’t connect to it enough.
Usually we only approach Being when we’re in the middle of a crisis. We could either be exhausted from fighting an illness, or are upset and depressed that things don’t seem to be working out for us. As frustration builds you either:
- Go on a rant either emotionally or physically and lash out at the world. (By the way, that’s the 2 year-old working you.)
- You can recognize that you’re out of control and stop trying to fix it. Instead sit still and close your eyes. . . deep breathing will help you begin the process of healing. Sit the 2 year-old in time out. Become the center of the top instead of the part that spins out of control. That’s where you will find your Being, and thoughts can begin to make sense.*
*I’ve found this process works for both my clients of Faith in something bigger than themselves and those who do not profess to believe in a higher power. Faith is not a prerequisite for your success.
Back to the Future You
As years go by there’s a disconnect from the person you once were. You are fun, or you were before your responsibilities weighed you down and sucked the fun out of life. Not all the time, but enough of the time that you lose sight of the joy you once owned. By deciding to make a commitment to control your Human you empower yourself to make changes that will last.
When you spin out of control the first thing you must do is stop yourself from worrying. Don’t allow the thoughts to continue to spin random stories, especially ones which aren’t usually based in fact. Sit yourself down and breathe. Analysis is not necessary at this point. Simply be still and allow the attributes of Being to take over. Remember Being is associated with light, love, breath, and free spirit. It will do the work just as readily as the Human part of you started the whole cycle that got your attention. When your breathing has quieted, your stomach is settled and you feel more yourself; think of the last thought you had before you sat down. Examine that thought. Is there anything even remotely true about that thing you were afraid of? Is it like a child’s unreasonable fear of a monster in the closet. Does the closet even exist? If there is no closet, how can there be a monster?
The reasons this happens are highly complex. It has to do with tapes, lessons, history and expectations. The process I teach is designed to help you RESPOND when you’re freaking out rather than REACT. It’s a way of living, not a solution to a puzzle. We’re all works in progress, and when we can do it from the center of the top life is much more enjoyable.
Get in Touch With Being Regularly
The key to reaching that center of the top is to touch Being when you aren’t upset. Try to spend 3 minutes a day, perhaps 2-3 times a day where you will just breathe. The first few times you may feel nothing, but consistent use of this method will bring results. Being is creative, light, love and it will help you make the changes you want.
Take a break from the world and your self — that constant domino mind trap. Sit still and think about your breathing, listen to the wind blowing outside, or cuddle with a pet and listen to their breathing. Allow those things you have to do, the patterns the Brain loves, to slide off to the edge of your life and look for peace instead. You’re creating a new pattern. One that brings peace and relaxation. Smell flowers and freshly cut grass outside. Hug your kids for a long time. This is my version of meditation that can evolve into an everyday approach to life so when your 2 year-old begins to freak out you can handle it.
This site contains posts on meditation, mindfulness and present moment awareness which can also help. Please subscribe to my blog and follow me at Karen Sullivan’s ZWL Coaching on Facebook