How to Gain Weight


Effective weight gain methods have been successfully tested by millions and millions of people in the United States and across the world. Following these simple tips you too can get as big as you wish.

1. Visit any drive through and get the largest meal they sell. 

2. Sleep as little as possible

3. Stop drinking water and instead drink alcohol, soda and sports drinks regularly….the more the merrier (Call a cab).

4. Eat as few vegetables as possible.

5. When you eat meat make sure it has skin on and is marbled with fat, and it would help if you fry it.

6. Never exercise.

7. Eat second helpings of everything except vegetables.

8. Snack when you aren’t eating a meal.

9. Be sure you have processed food with chemical additives, especially high fructose corn syrup.

10. Get your friends to join in.

Now, pretend it is opposite day. Do the exact opposite of everything I have listed here. After all you don’t listen to anything regarding your health!  You do the opposite of the guidance your doctor gives you,and think you can start your diet another day. Here’s a news flash, if you aren’t careful that day may never come.

Do as you do with all the other advice you have been given and throw it in the circular file.  I hope you choose to do the opposite of what I’ve told you today.

Do you hear me?

Can we get serious about your health?

I realize how much I love you — yes, YOU — and I want you to love yourself and stick around a little longer.

Be Well!

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